Our first exchange

We started home exchanging in 2001 to fulfil a specific need. Our eldest son started a year at Iowa State University in August 2001. His air ticket allowed a certain number of flights in and out of the US and we knew he would be wanting to come home (or at least back to the UK) maybe more times than this during the year. If we visited him at Christmas, rather than him returning home, he could use his flights to visit his girlfriend. We chose Chicago as the place we wanted to spend our family Christmas an looked forward to a fairly guaranteed covering of snow.

So, four of us would be flying to Chicago and, with Dan meeting us there, our number would be five. This presented a small number of problems. We would be spending both Christmas and New Year in Chicago. The idea of doing this in a hotel left us cold and, anyway, it would be far too expensive at that time of year. We could rent an apartment, that might work! Endless searching on the Internet found some apartments, most far too small for five people, all quite expensive and very few both affordable and available not to mention anywhere near the city itself.

Christmas is family time and my mother wanted to see her grandson. The number requiring accommodation rose to six and the number of suitable apartments grew still smaller. At the end of August I wasn’t yet ready to give up but needed some new ideas. I had read a short piece about home exchanging in a magazine for teachers. This might be worth an investigation!

How would I feel about someone else living in my house, someone I may have never met? How would I feel about them using my things, seeing how I lived, sleeping in my bed? How would Brian feel? How would the children feel about sharing their things? Brian said ‘no’ immediately (as he always does), maybe he was worried about his knicker drawer (or mine)? The children, on the other hand, were very excited at the prospect of staying in someone else’s home, checking out the bathroom properly and playing with a whole new set of toys. They weren’t even remotely worried that some other child could be playing with theirs. What would I need to do to prepare for an exchange? My house would need to be spotless (who wants to live in someone else’s dirt?) Everything we wouldn’t want seen or used would need to be hidden or removed. A major spring clean, a check with the house insurers and a realisation that for everything we own, if it is worth having it’s worth sharing. Yes, we would go for it!

I found some home exchange websites specifically for teachers but further investigation came up with nothing in Chicago. Could we go elsewhere? I began to look at the possibilities; nothing was really close or easy to get to.

Continuing to investigate the exchange idea, I looked further afield, to sites not specifically for teachers, no reason why other people can’t exchange! I found a couple of websites, both of which had a good number of properties available for exchange ro for holiday rental. This had to be what I was looking for. I was so inspired and encouraged by what I had found that I booked our flights to Chicago, travelling out a few days before and coming back in time for the return to school.

It was the beginning of September, the flights were booked but, as yet, we had nowhere to stay. With over three months to go I wasn’t too worried but may have felt a little easier if I had managed to organise something. I emailed the contact for every suitable house and apartment I could find and waited…

Then 9/11 happened. Our flights with virgin were cancelled in the aftermath and it looked like we might not be able to go. Chicago wasn’t New York, but would anyone want to fly into or out of the US? Would we want Dan to fly out if we weren’t able to fly in? Dan was able to describe the shock waves that went through the communities he was in contact with. We were quite ready to give up on the whole idea.

An email arrived from Sunnie and Randolph in Chicago. They didn’t want to home exchange at that time because they had plans for Christmas but, if we were willing to look after their cats, Siegfried and Jean-Sibelius, and their house (in the city), we could stay in their house over Christmas and New Year. At some time in the future, they may come to stay at our house but they currently had no plans to visit England. The trip was back on! I replied to Sunnies’ email to say ‘yes, please’ and went searching again, this time for more flights. I managed to get pretty much the same flights but with British Airways, who hadn’t cancelled their Chicago route. Dan’s girlfriend, Helen, decided to join us in Chicago and Sunnie confirmed that the house could accommodate the seven of us.

The dates worked well, Sunnie and Randolph would be visiting Sunnie’s sister in Beverley Hills and would be leaving on Christmas Eve. We would be arriving on the 20th but we really wanted to see where Dan was living and studying. So we booked one night at the Chicago International Youth Hostel and got Dan to books us tickets for the Greyhound bus that would take us to Des Moines and then on to Ames, Iowa State. He also booked us two nights accommodation on the University campus. The bus trip back had us arriving on the 23rd. Sunnie very kindly offered to let us stay at the house while they stayed overnight at her parents’ home before flying to LA. This was perfect and we were so grateful and so impressed by their generosity (we’ve tried to follow their example in all our subsequent exchanges).

There was an extensive exchange of emails through which we were able to get to know each other. Sunnie and Randolph had exchanged before and had hosted international travellers. Sunnie explained how she had never cleaned so much in her life as she did before the first exchange. It’s no use sweeping the dust under the carpet, if someone is living in your house, they will find it!

Having a first exchange with someone who has done it before is ideal. Sunnie told us that they would empty a few drawers and clear some hanging space for our clothes. She said that whatever we needed we should look around and hopefully we would find it. They would leave us instructions for feeding and caring for the cats and for anything that might not be obvious (fuse box, stopcocks, emergency services, doctors, dentists, vets, take-away delivery services…). This was a valuable learning experience for us and we were, in many ways, fortunate to have Sunnie to advise us and also, fortunate that were were not doing a full exchange on our first go.

One thing that didn’t crop up in all the cross-Atlantic conversations, was the point at which you exchange addresses. We had each other’s telephone numbers, of course, but I felt a little uncomfortable about asking. Because we didn’t need to give our address, I didn’t feel I could take the lead. Sunnie, on the other hand, though that the website agency gaive the address and so she never thought to ask if we knew where she lived! In the midst of all the organising, packing and getting ready to travel, the subject of addresses was forgotten and we arrived in Chicago with no idea where we were staying after our return from Ames. All we knew was that it was a short bus ride, or a long walk from the city centre. We did, however, have the telephone numbers for both landline and mobiles. Thankfully, Sunnie had said to ring and they would come to meet us on the 20th so that we could leave some of our luggage at the house while we went to Ames, so at that point, they guided us in.

We learned many lessons from our first experience of home exchange. Firstly, that people can be so very, very generous and that generosity makes a real impression. Secondly, that a good exchange arises from wanting to share the experience of living where you live with people from other parts of the world, or even other parts of your own country. The sheer joy you get from knowing that you have shared this experience is beyond description and it makes the extensive cleaning and the organising all the more worthwhile. Thirdly, you will add greatly to the experience if you are actually able to meet, and spend a little time with, the people you exchange with.

We arrived in Chicago on the 19th and after spending the night at the youth hostel and doing a small amount of sightseeing, we rang Sunnie and Randolph and arranged to meet them. Sunnie was surprised to find that we didn’t know where to head for and offered to pick us up, but a bus came by heading in the right direction and she just had to let us know where to get off it. We found the stop at the end of Surf Street, Chicago, and there they were, ready to greet us with smiles and hugs. After weeks and weeks of communications by email, we met in person.

Sunnie and Randolph took us out to dinner, where we met some of their friends. The children (Ben 8 and Beccy 6) were so jet-lagged that they both slept on our laps in the restaurant. After dinner, having deposited some luggage at their house, they gave us a key for our return and took us to the coach station. We said ‘goodbye’ and agreed to go out again before our return to the UK.

At the end of our stay we visited Sunnie’s parents at their apartment and met one of her daughters at a meal we all went to at an Italian restaurant, specially chosen because it catered well for families. Dan and Helen flew to Ames for a few days on their own together and we prepared to leave for the UK. On the morning of our departure we all met up again for breakfast. Then Randolph drove us to the airport.

To describe everything else that happened would be to describe our visit rather than the exchange. However, here are a few of the benefits of home exchange as we experienced it in Chicago:

We met some wonderful, inspiring people who gave us our first experience of the beauty of sharing part of you lives and we were able to spend a short time getting to know them a little better;

We had assistance in travelling to the airport, storing our luggage and getting to the Greyhound bus station;

Sunnie and Randolph were both musicians and their house had a number of pianos and musical inspiration. We were able to listen to Randolph playing live in a Chicago jazz bar. They were happy for the children to have a go on the pianos and, as a result, Ben took up the piano and is becoming quite a good jazz pianist;

When we did our first exchange where a family stayed in our house, we knew what we were doing;

We were able to afford to stay in a central location, in a house that was big enough for seven of us and had all the home comforts that made the stay easier (we were even able to put up some Christmas decorations and a tree);

The experience was one we would definitely want to do again and to offer to others.

I hope the benefits were not all ours. For their generosity I hope that sunnie and Randolph will know that they will always have somewhere to stay if they choose to visit England. I hope they will know that they have inspired at least one family to become exchangers and, hopefully, through them, inspired others to do the same.

We find that many people are interested in finding our about home exchange. I’m often asked for the website address. We have since exchanged with a number of families who hadn’t done so before and we know that some of them have definitely repeated the experience.

For us, home exchange has led to many varied and rewarding experiences and we will always be grateful to Sunnie and Randolph for that first one.

So, where next?

Out of England to North and South - Newcastle

Our holiday this year took us north to Hadrian's Wall and border country, then south, by train, to the Loire Valley. Up north we stayed at Wendy and Bill's house in Gosforth, Newcastle. Wendy and Bill had stayed in our house (a non-simultaneous exchange) in 2004 while we went to Finland and then to Cardigan Bay. Up until now we hadn't organised a return stay as nothing had taken us that far north. This year, however, we were offered a voluntary wardening position, with the YHA, at Birdoswald Roman Fort for a few days; a good opportunity to spend a few days visiting Newcastle. The first few week or so of our holiday would be spent in the north.

We had, this year, arranged an exchange with a French family and we wanted to spend at least a little time in France. After the long drive north and back we thought it would be more pleasant to go by train to France and so we booked the Eurostar to Paris and then a train to Tours.

All four of us went north but Beccy wanted to go to scout camp, which started during our holiday. This would mean that we would return to Rochester to drop her off and then get the Eurostar from Ebbsfleet.

Patricia and Didier (our French exchange family) had offered us their car and had arranged for it to be left at the TGV station. We would need to pick up the keys and directions for the house, so I suggested that we meet for lunch. They had a better idea: they would invite us to lunch at our house.

The final plan was: one day travelling north; three days in Newcastle; one day travelling to Birdoswald; three days at Birdoswald; one day travelling south; one day around Rochester including lunch with Patricia and Didier, dropping Beccy off for scout camp, and taking the train to Tours; three days in the Loire Valley; one day in Paris then home.

Sunday August 10th, we left home and drove to Lincoln for an overnight stop. We had a quick look around the university campus, as Ben thought he might be interested in applying there, then went to the city centre for our first ever visit to Lincoln. We walked around the cathedral area through the cobbled streets, past old buildings and the statue of Tennyson in the cathedral grounds. We found an excellent Indian restaurant called The Bombay where we had one of the best meals we remember. On the way back to the hotel we drove out onto the fens and spotted an owl hunting in the fields.

Monday August 11th, we drove from Lincoln along the A19 and over the Humber Bridge. We then headed towards Middlesborough and across the A1(M) so that we could see the Angel of the North. A drive round Newcastle to Gosforth and we arrived at Wendy and Bill's house where we met them, finally, after four years of contact by email and phone. We hadn't managed to meet them when they came to our house as the timing meant that they arrived after we had left and left before we arrive home. Mum had let them into the house and shown them around.

We had time for a cup of tea and a chat before Wendy and Bill left for Leeds and Chester where they were going to visit some friends.

We settled into the house and then went out to explore. We took the Metro to Newcastle City Centre (Monument Station where there is a statue of Earl Grey whose tea we drink!)

We walked around the city centre then down to the river to see the Millenium Bridge, the Tyne Bridge and a rail bridge. we crossed the millenium bridge to find the Baltic Centre closed but we were able to go into the Sage where we had a cup of coffee and a look at the concert hall from the viewing gallery. We sat in the library for a while, listening to some music and looking at music books and magazines.

We walked back into the city centre and found a Mongolian restaurant where you could choose your vegetables, meat and sauce plus rice or noodles, then pass your plate to the kitchen where they would stir fry it and return it to you. You could do this as many times as you wanted and we all had 2 or 3 plates full.

After eating we walked along the river again so that we could see the bridges lit up, and eventually made our way back to the metro station.

Back at the house got ourselves settled and drifted off to bed. Brian and I liked the memory foam mattress on our bed, a real treat.

Tuesday August 12th, we woke up at around 8.30am and slowly got ready and had breakfast. The weather forecast gave persistent and heavy rain and we weren't sure what to do. We did want to visit the north east coast so we went for a drive, up the A1 to Alnwick. The literature that Wendy had left us about the area said that Alnwick was a historic market town and we thought it would be worth a look. We looked at the shops in the main street and then visited the Bailiffgate museum where we looked at the mining exhibition, the local history exhibition and the regional history exhibition. We learned about the lengthy battle across the borders between the Scots and the English.

We drove to the river and then along the coast road back towards Newcastle. We stopped at Seaton Point, between Alnwick and Alnmouth, and walked along the beach, looking at birds, skimming stones, and playing ball.

It did rain and quite heavily at times so we drove on to Alnmouth (not much there) and then to Whitley Bay (which was like a ghost town at the north end but more lively looking at the south end, although there was no one around because of the rain).

We stopped at the supermarket to get food for dinner. After dinner we all sat down to watch The Shawshank Redemption on DVD.

I rang Patricia to explain how to get the key for the house and that we had left some food in the fridge and freezer for them.

Wednesday August 13th, we managed to block the toilet! Too much toilet paper! we tried and tried to unblock it and thought that we would have to call someone out but buckets of water and a good brushing cleared it in the end. We had got up late and then had the toilet drama but we managed to get out by noon. We got the Metro again to the city centre where we visited the shops and Grainger market. We spent some time in a large music shop where Ben played the piano and Beccy played the drums. We hadn't heard her play before as she has her lessons at school so this was a great opportunity to see what she had learnt.

We had taken a packed lunch into town but, as it was raining, we couldn't find anywhere to sit and eat it. We ended up eating standing up in a shopping centre! After lunch we visited the (relatively new) castle keep. There were no toilets in the castle and Beccy was desperate so this was a good excuse to visit a nearby pub for a drink. From there we walked over the old bridge that carries trains on the top level and buses and taxis on the lower level and has a sign to say that it is a weak bridge! The bridge took us to Gateshead where we caught the metro home.

We stopped in the Co op next to Wansbeck Road metro station on the way back. After dinner we watched Time Bandits on DVD but we gradually all fell asleep and didn't see the end. It must have been a tiring day!

Thursday August 14th, We cleared up the house making sure we left everything clean and left around lunchtime. We left behind some chocolates, wine and a card explaining that we were sorry about the teaspoon that we broke!

We drove out of Newcastle and toward Kielder Water and Forest Park. We visited the Tower Knowle visitor centre and viewed the exhibition about the history of the area and the flooding of the valley to create the reservoir. We walked to the water's edge through very wet ground and got soaking wet feet. Ben and Beccy chased a rabbit and, having got it cornered, it scratched Ben's leg on its way out of its trapped state. A discussion about the merits of trapping and frightening wild animals followed! We travelled on to an area further round where we could see the river flowing rapidly. We saw an eagle land in a tree next to the road and fly off again.

From Kielder Water we drove to the west and down to Birdoswald. Just outside Kielder we entered Scotland and all got excited at the idea that we had crossed the border. Around 20 minutes later we were back in England, our short visit out to the north over.

This stage of our holiday was a different type of exchange. We exchanged our efforts (running a youth hostel) for free accommodation. Most of the work was done by me but we were given a four bed room with shower room and had use of the self-catering kitchen, complete with Aga!

At Birdoswald Roman Fort, we met Daryl, the supervisor we were relieving. He showed me around the site and explained how everything was run. This was a temporary hostel in a building owned by English Heritage. Other than that the arrangements were the same as for any other youth hostel with a volunteer warden.

Beccy went out exploring and, after a trip to Brampton to the co-op, we had dinner and played battleships and poker.

Friday August 15th, I woke to loud boiler noises, although this didn't disturb Brian, Ben or Beccy. I did the general hostel cleaning and, after a shower in our large shower room, was ready at around noon. I later discovered that one of the guest shower rooms caused the noise with the boiler. The solution was - don't use it unless it is needed!

During the morning, Mum rang to let me know that our gerbil had been eaten by Smudge (our tortoiseshell cat). I phoned Patricia to reassure her that this wasn't her fault. She was very apologetic and needed to be convinced that she wasn't responsible for Smudge's actions. Exchanging often involves caring for animals, especially cats, which is great unless something goes wrong. Smudge had seen to it that something did go wrong this time.

We drove to Haltwhistle and found a shop where we could hire some bikes. We got 3 folding bikes and a touring bike (obviously Brian's). We cycled along the South Tyne trail along a disused railway track turned cycle path, to Lampley Viaduct. We cycled across the viaduct (to a dead end) then locked the bikes and walked down some steps running down the side of the valley to a footbridge. We climbed down to the water's edge and found a rock large enough to sit on to eat our packed lunch while the children skimmed stones across the river.
We climbed back up to the bikes and cycled back to the shop. Apparently there were red squirrels by the viaduct although we don't think we saw any. After returning the bikes and shopping in the co-op we went back to the hostel, arriving at exactly 5pm to open up.
We played crib and cards, had dinner and went for some walks around the fort. An English Heritage event was running over the weekend and people who would be doing the historical re-enactments had started camping in old style tents in the hostel grounds. One of these people told us that there were red squirrels in the woods around the fort. We decided to try to see one before leaving.